shadys back

Hi. I got back from up north and then left a few days later for Canada and now I'm back from Canada. That is all I have to say. Oh, and I got an early bday present, an iPhone! Hooray!

Kids are funny

I am in Northern California visiting some family and they had a bridal
shower for me here, too. I am staying with my childhood best friend who
I still talk to for about 15 hours a week on the phone. She has two
kids, Kat just turned 11 and Dre is 3, he will be 4 in a month. They are
sweet and entertaining beyond words. I will post about the dog show and
music performance with pics when I get home. In the meantime here is a
bit about our morning.

In the words of three year old Dreyson after he captured and named a
caterpillar...

"I am naming him MY name. There are now two Dreyson's... one is a
cat-a-pill-dar and one IS A MAN."

Then he wanted to show me the cat-a-pill-dar's testicle and we took
photos of it.

Karen tried to be a good parent for a moment (that was her wording) and
she said "Dreyson, for future reference we usually do not take photos of
anyone's testicle."

He put his new pet (now he is saying cal-a-pitter) in an empty cool whip
container with some leaves. He is obsessed with it.

Oh boy, I am having fun!

NOT.

I am addressing our wedding invitations. By myself. I wouldn't say it is HORRIFIC, but it is boring and hand/neck/arm hurty. It is also turning my brain into mush.

When I decided to plop down and type this out I sat here in the computer chair with my arms at my sides, eyes closed, and almost fell asleep within like 15 seconds.

Ooh, I did do something fun tonight! Tony and I made more ice cream. He made Nesquik (chocolate drink mix) and almond ice cream and I made vanilla and then added two cups of pureed fresh strawberries and blackberries. I think mine is more delicious and he thinks his is the best. Of course. He loves tons of almond extract and I just like a touch of it, so his is too strong for me and I love strawberry ice cream and he does not like it usually. He likes berries on their own, and he eats them all of the time, but he does not like them mixed into anything. So we were destined to not love each other's experiments.

I stopped doing the invitations and took a break because I had to look up how to address an invite to a widow. Apparently the proper way is to still us the husband's name, such as Mrs. John Smith. I just think that is too sad so I am going to do it with just her name, but keep the Mrs. part... Mrs. Jane Smith. Isn't is depressing to put the person's dead spouse's name on the invite for a joyous celebration? I don't know, if something ever happened to T I guess I would be proud for people to always keep addressing me with his name, plus I would miss him so much that a little invite wouldn't throw me into sadness because I would always be thinking about him anyway.

Random thoughts.

1. Homemade vanilla ice cream is so delicious and easy to make that I
will never buy it again. Plus I know what is in it, no preservatives or
chemicals, we used 100% organic ingredients. Only whole milk, heavy
cream, vanilla extract and sugar. Yum.

2. Sarah Palin's son Trig is one of the most adorable babies I have ever
seen. I am in love with him. I have been searching for pictures of him.
Yes, I hate her, but her son is precious.

3. Tony is the best. Ever. I am really exhausted and stressed and he
surprised me by taking all 5 loads of my laundry and washing them while
I was at work. Then after showing me that my laundry is done he made me
dinner.

4. Reno 911 is one of the best shows ever and the movie and extras on
the DVD are even better.

5. Some people are just never happy and won't ever be happy. It is very
tiring.

6. I am a jerk. Someone that wasn't very nice to me and that made me
feel like shit has been outed as an asshole and pretty much lost all of
their friends and it is a tiny bit satisfying to me. Yes, I know that
the fact that I feel like that just says something shitty about me.
Whatever. I do feel bad for the people that have been hurt in the
situation, but I don't feel bad for the asshole.

7. I love that stupid show Jon and Kate Plus Eight and I can't help it.
It is about a family with twins and sextuplets. I told a lady today that
her 2 yr old boy looked like one of the sextuplets and she said someone
else told her that the other day.

8. I am not registered to vote.

9. I got my new passport in the mail the other day. I leave in 11 days.
DO NOT WANT.

10. My nose is really cold right now.

Never ending.

Our neighbors do laundry all day and night until like 2 in the morning.
Seriously. Like 20 hours a day. I am not exaggerating. They also use
REALLY strongly scented detergent and it is gross. I am sitting in our
livingroom and it smells so much right now, it is like a thick cloud.
Maybe it is actually the fabric softener sheets. I am disgusted. I would
buy them some that smells less or better but I could never donate the
amount they use.

We wonder what they do, like do they own a cleaning service or
something? How do they do so much laundry and why?

By the way I just had to ask Tony what those square fabric/paper sheets
were called that you put in the dryer so your clothes don't stick
together. He said, "Uh, do you mean fabric softener?" He looked at me
like I was crazy. I get that look a lot.

Mmm.

I can't wait for our new ice cream maker freezer bowls to freeze. We are
going to make organic vanilla ice cream. Then once we master that we are
going to get fancy with our flavors. Oh boy!

It was all about me.

Reagan and Clementine threw me the most amazing bridal shower today. I am so lucky to have such loving and supportive friends and family.

The decorations were SO cute, I need to post pictures of them.

It was a little hard because I am not the type of person that likes to be the center of attention and in addition I get major social anxiety. Having everyone's eyes on me was a bit nerve-wracking to say the least and I think what was hitting me the most was that I am really scared about my wedding day. I am so afraid to have everyone looking at me and focusing on me and how I look. I kept having to push it out of my head today because I wanted to just burst into tears and call Tony and tell him I didn't want to have the wedding and I don't know what to do because at this point we have to. You know what though? I do want a big wedding, I want to have all of our amazing friends and family members in one place. I want to have the memory of it forever and to be able to look back on it and to tell our kids about it someday. I want the wedding, just not the anxiety.

I am glad I got to experience today so I am a bit prepared for the wedding. I was just having a temporary freak out. Both Reagan and Clementine said at some point "OMG it is hitting me that you are really getting married, today made it real" and that was how it was for me too. Very emotional. I was afraid to really feel it because I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. I was so nervous and I thought that everyone noticed and I felt really weird, but I bet no one knew and that I was just freaking out inside. There were moments where I was truly relaxed, and don't get me wrong, I did really enjoy the day, I just had no idea how crazy nervous I was going to be. It took me getting out of the situation for an hour to have it all really sink in. I am just so grateful that I have so many people that love us so much.

The best part was that they had everyone write me a little card with either advice or wishes or anything they wanted. I got home and showed T the amazing gifts we got and then we opened the cards together and I sat on the couch with tears running down my face reading all of the sweet and funny and loving things that everyone wrote.

I was so glad that I had those little notecards to read, it was the perfect ending to my day. I am going to keep them forever and read them when I need a little boost of love and support.

Thank you Reagz and Clem for such a special day and for being such loving friends, my friends are like family to me and I just don't know what I would do without any of you. I love everyone that was at my shower and it was just so overwhelming that it was all for me and Tony.

Seriously, how do we have, like, 75 amazing and really close friends?
How are we so blessed? I don't know, but I am forever grateful. Odd that I have a huge social circle and a social anxiety. Haha.

Yes I did.

I just screamed when Britney Spears won at the VMAs.

Tony said, "Are you serious?" I then proceeded to sing her song.

Yes. This happened. Shh.

defensive

So a friend of ours wrote a mean comment on another friend's blog. In front of the person and as a joke.

I wasn't in on the joke. This person who's blog it was written on is a bit of a public figure of sorts. I GOT SO MAD because I didn't know that it was a joke and that she knew all about it and blah blah blah.

I was steaming mad. Like so mad. I wrote this huge post back to the asshole who wrote the mean comment. Then I found out that it was not real. 

It made me realize that I don't think I can handle it when something real happens to my loved ones in a negative way from press or the public. Even if it is just a comment on a forum or something. I get so mad. Like I want to kill people. I know sometimes things can hurt her feelings a little bit but for the most part she really lets it roll off her back. She grew up with this sort of thing so she can deal with it better than someone who was new to the scene. Not me. I told her this morning I was steaming pissed and I was about to tear all of my clothes off like The Hulk. Except replace the muscles with fat and replace the green color with my pale white skin.

It is one thing to spout off about some celebrity/musician or politician, but just think about how much it hurts your feelings or makes you feel shitty to hear that someone said something mean about you. I think we forget sometimes that they are just people, and they are people with loved ones who would punch you straight in your ugly mug for saying something shitty to them or about them. It is weird how it is just okay to say anything we want about people that are entertainers. I know they are public figures and this comes with the territory. Well let's see how you react if I called your baby ugly, or your sister fat or said your boyfriend was hitting on girls when he wasn't or what if I said that your best friend was an idiot and a whore. Hey, you are out there walking around in public, I should be able to say whatever the fuck I want about you, right? Okay, maybe it is different, but really, just think for a second about how hard it would be for you to hear this stuff and have to just tune it out and not react because "it comes with the territory". 

Yes, I love TMZ and trashy celeb gossip sites and mags, so I guess I am just as bad as everyone else. I suppose it just hits me sometimes when it lands in my backyard, you know?

What usually frustrates me the most is when people say wrong information and I can't correct them. like they say something totally inaccurate and I just have to sit on my hands and let it go.

I also get pissed when fans (even though they are very appreciated) get a little weird and get upset about not getting enough attention when actors/musicians are kind enough to write them or talk to them. They always want more. What in the fuck are you people wanting? To come over for dinner and be best friends? Seriously, actors/musicians are not your friends, they are SO stoked to have fans and really do appreciate it, but take what they give you and then back the fuck off. Just because they have a certain career does not obligate them to keep in touch with you on a weekly basis or to stand and talk with you for 45 minutes while you are wasted drunk. It happens to friends of mine all of the time, and to my fiance.     

I was already mad about my parking ticket and then this happened. This is fair warning (for your own good) to all other humans on the planet... STEP ASIDE TODAY AND DON'T GET IN MY FUCKING WAY. 

Thank you. 

Love, 

Melissa

all in caps so that it is clear: I am Very Mad

I FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING HATE PARKING TICKETS.

WHAT A FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER OF A WAY TO WASTE MONEY.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE STARTING MY DAY BY REALIZING THAT I FORGOT WHAT FUCKING DAY OF THE WEEK IT IS AND KNOWING THAT I PROBABLY HAVE A FUCKING TICKET.

THE BEST MOST IRRITATING PART OF THIS IS THAT I COULD NOT SLEEP SO I WAS UP AT 7AM (NO PARKING STARTS AT 8AM) AND I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND THEN IT FINALLY OCCURS TO ME WHAT DAY IT IS.

I NEVER KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A DESK JOB AND I WORK RANDOM DAYS SO I HAD TO LOOK AT A CALENDAR TO SEE WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IT WAS AND THAT IS WHEN I REALIZED IT WAS A STREET CLEANING DAY.

THESE ARE THE MOMENTS THAT I FUCKING HATE LIVING IN LA.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM TOTALLY PISSED AT THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.

I HAVE NOT FORGOT ABOUT STREET CLEANING IN SOOO LONG, I USED TO DO IT AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH ALMOST, BUT IN THE LAST 2 YEARS THIS HAS ONLY HAPPENED MAYBE  TWICE.  WHEN I FORGET ONE TIME IT TOTALLY NULL AND VOIDS ALL OF THE HUNDREDS OF TIMES I HAVE REMEMBERED.

GRRRR. 

SINCE I AM VENTING:

I HATE WEDDING PLANNING.

I HATE PMS.

I HATE DOING LAUNDRY.

I HATE DOING DISHES.

I HATE SHOPPING FOR A STUPID DRESS FOR MY BRIDAL SHOWER.

I HATE HAVING TO GO TO FEDEX.

I HATE PAYING FOR PARKING EVERY DAY TO GO TO WORK.

pms

is not my friend.

napalm nightmare

So I had a very disturbing dream last night. I kept half waking up and going back to sleep and the dream just continued all night. I will see how much I can remember of it.

In my dream... things in parenthesis are my notes, not part of the dream...

We lived near my friend Gene (Tony and I have known him forever, since we were teenagers) in the same building (in reality he lives 2 hours away) and he told Tony that he had some napalm. Tony wanted it really bad and I didn't want it in our house because I was afraid of it. Gene kept trying to tell Tony that we shouldn't take it because it was really dangerous but Tony didn't care and HAD to have it. This canister was one of only 18 left in the entire world, after those canisters there was no napalm ever again. So Gene went home and then Tony and I just went in our place to do whatever and pretty soon we heard a huge commotion and there was a big crowd of people around the steps of our building (which kind of looked like a school, big long wide stairs the width of the building, not a little stoop) but not like they gathered for a reason, just like they were wandering about doing their own business, going in and out of the building, stopping to chat, etc. So Gene comes barreling through this crowd in his underwear and everyone kind of stops to stare because he is just storming through and he comes to Tony and I (we are magically in front of our place now and not inside anymore) and he sets down a canister and says something about how if Tony has to have this SO BAD then he can have it but that this is a really bad idea. Gene goes back to his place and we go in our place and Tony sets the canister down in our hallway. The canister has no lid and is filled about half-way with dull gunmetal colored metal balls of varying sizes, all about the size of a pea or a ball bearing. 

So Tony goes off into another room and I am drawn to this stupid can of napalm and I don't want to be and I am TERRIFIED of it but I can't stop fucking around with it. The next thing I know I have a huge mouthful of the little spheres and I realize that they are in my mouth and I freak out and Tony is there now and telling me it is a Very Bad Idea to put them in my mouth and I know this and I am so scared about it and so I try to gently spit them out all over the carpet and every few minutes I realize another little ball is still in my mouth (I know me saying BALLS are in my mouth is funny, but I don't know what else to call these things) and I keep spitting them out and then it happens again, I feel another one in my mouth still and I finally get them all out. 

I go into the other room where Tony is and tell him my mouth is burning and then we are in a bathroom and I am so flipping out inside but staying calm and I just keep spitting into the sink and blood and black stuff is coming out and I am sure that it is from way down deep (not my mouth, like stomach or lungs or something is what I thought) and it is scaring me. I just keep spitting and wondering what is going to happen to me and it hurts and I am devastated.

I go back into the other room and see that Amber (our cat) is batting around the balls I spit out and I am like NO!!! and I was freaking out again and she bats one and it hits another one and it kind of disintegrates and a big 6 foot tall cloud of powder comes out (not a thick cloud, a really misty light one, not dense). I am so scared and I don't know if that cloud is going to, like, kill everyone in my town or make my house explode or kill us or do nothing.

From here on out all of my memories of the dream get spotty. I remember going to some rich guy's mansion and standing on the balcony next to Tony and the guy asked me if I needed help and when Tony looked away I said NO I AM FINE but I was nodding yes and my eyes were all wide so he could see I needed help but couldn't say anything in front of Tony (I have no idea why). So Tony leaves and the guy introduces me to his live in housekeeper and tells me her name and that she is friends with Consuela and I asked him who that was and everyone there, the housekeeper, the guy and his daughter, basically told me I was a jerk because Consuela was my family's housekeeper that has lived with us for like 20 years and I don't even know her name and I was like oh whatever who cares what her name is or that I don't know it (which is totally fucked up and Tony's family housekeeper of 20 years is amazing and I love her and she is even coming to our wedding, so I would never feel that way but that is how it was in the dream).

I went with the guy into his bedroom to go on his computer (he had tons of Mac computers all over his house) and the screen was like the size of a headboard and was behind his bed like that so I had to lay on my stomach on the bed to see the whole screen because it went behind the bed to the ground and I was trying to search for napalm and the effects and I couldn't get any search results no matter what I did. Then I was complaining to him that it must be nice to have computers and he was like "you have 2 at your house" and I was like "but they aren't Mac" and he said "Oh, okay" (we have 2 computers in real life and they are both Mac). 

The last thing I remember in the dream is that I had to walk around these huge lawns of giant mansions from lawn to lawn and they were separated by huge rows of bushes.

I kept waking up all night and was so disturbed by this dream and I finally just got out of bed and googled napalm because I had to for some reason and I read all about it. 

I wonder why I had this crazy dream, and why it was centered around napalm...? Weird! 

I like your purr and your fur.

I became best friends with an orange tabby named Rufus Pickles Thomas
III. I love him so much I think about him every second. Every minute
away from him is heartbreaking. I want to cuddle him and kiss his kitty
face right now. He has a strong purr and a sweet little face. Love him.
Maybe he will be my kitty in my next life.

Advice.

If you are ever locked in a small room with a cobra you have 2 choices:

1. Dance around like a ninny saying "Holy crap. I am so scared."

2. Bash your skull against a wall until you die.

For some reason Tony and Clementine don't understand why these are the
only 2 obvious options. The only things they suggested were wrapping the
yucky reptile around my neck to strangle myself or the other was to step
on the head. Both of these are terrible and stupid.

Thank you very much.

They also think a funny book to write would be... me answering how to
react to situations I consider scary.