the twist together on the dance floor after my father daughter dance at
our wedding.
Why? Because I will find it funny.
I will also need cheering up after my father daughter dance. That moment
is pretty much going to crush my bitter fucking soul into a tiny crying
ball of pink glitter and cotton candy and I will not be able to recover
from it without an immediate happy dance.
I am already anticipating the moment where everyone is looking at me and
my Dad dancing knowing that we have no relationship and that we used to
be inseparable and it is going to be such a bummer that it might just
destroy my whole mood if I let it. It is such a depressing subject I
can't ever let myself really think about it. In fact I have thought
about it too much already. I have been crying off and on for about an
hour and I need to just push it all back down.
I do not do well on the subject of my Dad. If only I didn't love him so
much for so long this would be easier. I often wonder if it would have
been easier to not have ever had him at all. Having a full on 100% Dad
for 18 years and then none at all is so odd and upsetting I can't even
begin to describe it. I don't want to turn 36 because that will be the
point that I have been without a Dad for longer than I had one.
I always want to feel like I had one for longer than I didn't. If that
makes sense...
Oh well, I have 5 more years to worry about that. Maybe something will
change.
1 comment:
i have an idea....DON'T have a father daughter dance! why should he just get the good stuff? and why do you want to make the day hard for yourself? there are so many of us that are going to be there that love and appreciate you every day...you clementine and i can have a dance instead. and your up north friend too. let's all 4 of us stand in a circle and sway back and forth during that portion of the even instead. i bet you will have more fun, and the pictures taken will be way funnier.
Post a Comment