Clementine

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

I think you are one of my true soulmates in life. I have only met 2 other people in my life that I can think of that I felt like this about. My friend Karen that I have known since I was 5, and Tony. The second I saw you, I said to myself "she is going to be my best friend" and I know I have told this story a thousand times, but that is because it was so amazing. So shocking. I felt creepy. I thought, "uh, why did that just pop into my head, weird..."

I felt like I knew the moment I saw you that we were meant to be connected. Now this doesn't mean that the other people I love so very much aren't just as important as you are to me, I just feel this other-worldy connection to you. Like we have know each other since before we both existed and we will know each other for many years after we are gone.

There have been times I wish I didn't feel this way about you. There were moments when I even said to Tony, "Damn, I wish I wasn't permanently attached to her." I have always felt that there is no going back. We are stuck with each other for ever, for better and for worse.

I almost lost you once. You were slipping away and I had to walk off and leave you and hope that you would come back. I had to leave you laying on the floor because I couldn't watch you struggle and suffocate yourself anymore. It was too hard. I really thought you were as good as gone and staying and watching was too much. Then, you came back to us, to all of us. I have cried so many times just thanking the universe for that.

I am still afraid it will happen again. I don't think everyone knows how close we came to losing you. I knew, I felt our connection slipping away... sliding off the cliff. We were holding hands and I felt one finger let go and another and the grip was getting loose and our hands were sweating and at the very last second we grabbed on to each other and you were safe. If there is a next time, I will fight for you and I will not allow it to happen. No way, no how. I will not let you get that far away from who you are. I won't just say "She is doing her own thing, I can't help her anymore." Nope. Sorry. I know better now.

When you hurt, I hurt, it kills me. It is like when your sister hurts, you want to kill someone and cry and take away all of her pain at the same time. Then you kind of want to punch her for making stupid mistakes.

I love how you walk in a room and people can't help but stare and smile. Your presence is like sunshine. There is something just so fresh and bright and innocent and childlike about you. Something that draws people to you. I think you would have that same quality even if you weren't as shockingly beautiful as you are.

I love how almost every interaction with you leaves me feeling better about who I am. I wish I could see myself the way you see me. I used to not believe that you could really think so many good things about me. You finally got me to believe it.

When I think of you, when your name is said or when it pops into my head, I think of you laughing and smiling. Isn't that lovely?

I would say I love you like a sister, but with a sister there are no choices, you are stuck with what you get. Even though I think we were always meant to know each other, there is a clear choice we have made.

You are family to me. Chosen family, hand-picked. I love you.