Blog.

Glad today is almost gone.

Take chances.

Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is.

Goodnight.

Blogging about blogging

Sometimes I hate blogging because 99% of the things I want to blog about I can't. It will offend or hurt someone.

I also don't want to ever write about having a hard time in life when I am because I don't want people I don't know very well or that I haven't kept in regular touch with to see that my life isn't perfect. Of course no one's life is perfect, everyone struggles, even those with fame, success, money and everything they ever wanted. Everyone struggles, but we all try to hide it and keep it from each other. It is a big game and sometimes I don't want to play it, but I do. See, I am already wanting to say DON'T GET ME WRONG, MY LIFE IS AWESOME AND I AM HAPPY. Which is true, but I have dark moments, I have hard moments, I would be lying if I tried to pretend I don't.

I do have some real problems.

However, most of my problems now are "princess problems", I recently heard that term described and it helps me to put my problems in perspective. It pretty much means that I have problems such as not being able to go out of town on the weekend that I wanted to, or that I can't get the exact car I want, which is different from the problems I used to have a lot of such as being able to stay clean and pay my rent and not get any utilities shut off and not kill myself or OD or go to jail.

I do have real problems though. Some days I am depressed, some days I struggle with my weight gain and how shitty and gross it makes me feel. Some days I have really bad anxiety.

I also don't like to talk about that stuff because I would just rather focus on being positive and happy and trying to put those problems in perspective. Feeling fat and sad for 2 days every 3 weeks is different than feeling suicidal every day, etc.

It is hard to realize that life will never be perfect, we will never be satisfied, but then again, would we want to be satisfied? What would you do if you woke up and everything was easy and perfect? It would be great for a while, but I would like to think that eventually I would want to be challenged. I would want to feel alive and inspired and I would want to always have another goal to achieve. I don't know how to end this and I am hot and tired and out of thoughts so I am going to stop here as opposed to erasing half of it.

The Challenge

So Tony and I have decided to take part in a challenge with each other to blog at least 30 posts in 30 days. We must blog at least once every day. It is something Clementine and I did a while back to force ourselves to blog regularly.

Wish me luck!

Thinking of starting a whole new blog. I will decide that tonight. For now this is going to have to count as my first post.

Honeymoon trip photos

I have about half of the photos up of our trip.

Click here!

photo shoot time!

In the last hour Tony has left me in 3 uncomfortable situations.

1. In the car, fine, but he took the keys, and then as he walked away
he set the alarm. So I was stuck in the car with the alarm set and I
thought "I'll just call him" and then I looked down and saw that he
left his phone in the car.

2. A short while later he left me in the car, and walked away, with
his door slightly ajar which made an irritating repetitive dinging
sound. Fantastic.

3. Last, but not least, he got out of the car and took the keys,
again, and left the entire back of the Explorer open and his window
open and I was freezing cold!

Jerkface!

Honeymoon trip!

I want to do the 30 in 30 again (post every day for 30 days) to get me back into it again but I am leaving for 3 weeks so it is not the best time.

We are going to the desert to go to Coachella (maybe) but either way we are going to the desert Thursday night through Sunday night. Then Monday we will be back in LA packing and getting ready and then we leave Tuesday on Air Tahiti for French Polynesia.

We get into Tahiti and stay one night at the InterContinental...

Then we go to the island of Moorea by ferry (a 30 minute breathtaking ride) and we check in to the Hilton Moorea Lagoon resort and Spa. Here are some pics of it...We stay in Moorea for 9 days and then take the ferry back to Papeete, Tahiti, and fly back to LAX airport. We arrive in LA around 9am the next day (it's an 8 hour flight) and leave 4 hours later from LAX to Salt Lake City and grab our rental car and continue on to Tony's parent's house in Park City, Utah. We then stay there relaxing, going to dinner, playing in the snow if there is any, etc., maybe snowboarding, for 5 days, and then fly back to LA.

I then have one more day off in LA to get situated and then I go back to work.

So excited.

Shhh.

It is so hard to keep my secret a secret! I can't wait to be able to talk about it.

and I thought I was sensitive.

I don't mince words well and I am quite sick of treating everyone so carefully. I guess the truth hurts. I am as diplomatic as possible, and yet I still feel like everyone is about to walk away pissed or burst into tears half the time. I practically cuddle people for making mistakes and yet they are still defensive and hurt and blah blah blah. Grow a fucking spine, don't fuck up if you don't want to face that you fucked up. If you dislike your current situation, do something about it. If you don't want someone to be blunt (even in a kind way), I am probably not the friend for you. I know how hard the truth is to hear and to feel, I am very honest with myself and it isn't always easy.

I wonder how many people will take this to be about them...?

???

How can I get in the habit of writing in this again?

DEFCON 1

DO NOT WANT.

I have a fear of DEFCON 1. What an odd fear. When i think about it I want to cry. Tony thinks it is funny that I am scared of it. He won't talk to me when I want to discuss how scared I am about it ever happening.

We are so lucky to live in a country that we feel generally safe most of the time.

:)

Life is good, and getting better. I am looking forward to what the future holds. It is scary to say that, I feel like life will slap me in the face the second I try to be optimistic. I am trying to write but my husband is badgering me about something. As per usual. I wouldn't have it any other way. Haha.

Please

I want a fucking cupcake. :)

I said please!