Blogging about blogging

Sometimes I hate blogging because 99% of the things I want to blog about I can't. It will offend or hurt someone.

I also don't want to ever write about having a hard time in life when I am because I don't want people I don't know very well or that I haven't kept in regular touch with to see that my life isn't perfect. Of course no one's life is perfect, everyone struggles, even those with fame, success, money and everything they ever wanted. Everyone struggles, but we all try to hide it and keep it from each other. It is a big game and sometimes I don't want to play it, but I do. See, I am already wanting to say DON'T GET ME WRONG, MY LIFE IS AWESOME AND I AM HAPPY. Which is true, but I have dark moments, I have hard moments, I would be lying if I tried to pretend I don't.

I do have some real problems.

However, most of my problems now are "princess problems", I recently heard that term described and it helps me to put my problems in perspective. It pretty much means that I have problems such as not being able to go out of town on the weekend that I wanted to, or that I can't get the exact car I want, which is different from the problems I used to have a lot of such as being able to stay clean and pay my rent and not get any utilities shut off and not kill myself or OD or go to jail.

I do have real problems though. Some days I am depressed, some days I struggle with my weight gain and how shitty and gross it makes me feel. Some days I have really bad anxiety.

I also don't like to talk about that stuff because I would just rather focus on being positive and happy and trying to put those problems in perspective. Feeling fat and sad for 2 days every 3 weeks is different than feeling suicidal every day, etc.

It is hard to realize that life will never be perfect, we will never be satisfied, but then again, would we want to be satisfied? What would you do if you woke up and everything was easy and perfect? It would be great for a while, but I would like to think that eventually I would want to be challenged. I would want to feel alive and inspired and I would want to always have another goal to achieve. I don't know how to end this and I am hot and tired and out of thoughts so I am going to stop here as opposed to erasing half of it.