It was all about me.

Reagan and Clementine threw me the most amazing bridal shower today. I am so lucky to have such loving and supportive friends and family.

The decorations were SO cute, I need to post pictures of them.

It was a little hard because I am not the type of person that likes to be the center of attention and in addition I get major social anxiety. Having everyone's eyes on me was a bit nerve-wracking to say the least and I think what was hitting me the most was that I am really scared about my wedding day. I am so afraid to have everyone looking at me and focusing on me and how I look. I kept having to push it out of my head today because I wanted to just burst into tears and call Tony and tell him I didn't want to have the wedding and I don't know what to do because at this point we have to. You know what though? I do want a big wedding, I want to have all of our amazing friends and family members in one place. I want to have the memory of it forever and to be able to look back on it and to tell our kids about it someday. I want the wedding, just not the anxiety.

I am glad I got to experience today so I am a bit prepared for the wedding. I was just having a temporary freak out. Both Reagan and Clementine said at some point "OMG it is hitting me that you are really getting married, today made it real" and that was how it was for me too. Very emotional. I was afraid to really feel it because I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. I was so nervous and I thought that everyone noticed and I felt really weird, but I bet no one knew and that I was just freaking out inside. There were moments where I was truly relaxed, and don't get me wrong, I did really enjoy the day, I just had no idea how crazy nervous I was going to be. It took me getting out of the situation for an hour to have it all really sink in. I am just so grateful that I have so many people that love us so much.

The best part was that they had everyone write me a little card with either advice or wishes or anything they wanted. I got home and showed T the amazing gifts we got and then we opened the cards together and I sat on the couch with tears running down my face reading all of the sweet and funny and loving things that everyone wrote.

I was so glad that I had those little notecards to read, it was the perfect ending to my day. I am going to keep them forever and read them when I need a little boost of love and support.

Thank you Reagz and Clem for such a special day and for being such loving friends, my friends are like family to me and I just don't know what I would do without any of you. I love everyone that was at my shower and it was just so overwhelming that it was all for me and Tony.

Seriously, how do we have, like, 75 amazing and really close friends?
How are we so blessed? I don't know, but I am forever grateful. Odd that I have a huge social circle and a social anxiety. Haha.